“Why has it taken so long to finish me?”
Careful readers will see that “The Hereford Saga” has been silent for some months.
Yes, our work on completing the full-sized design was mysteriously stopped by some factor (or factors) beyond and outside of our control!
But readers will be glad to know that we have recently been able to re-start our work.
And right now, the full-sized water-coloured design is nearly complete.
That means we will soon be able to make the cut-lines and then start cutting and painting the glass itself.
At last!
So to celebrate – here, therefore, is the first-ever Williams & Byrne Competition …
Readers are invited to post their suggestion about the external factor(s) which, until recently, prevented us from completing the full-sized design. Please do this with up to 100 of your own words.
So, imagine, what immense physical power or impediment or embarassment (perhaps) might temporarily prevent Williams & Byrne of all people from completing the magnificent full-sized design for this prestigious stained glass window?
Remember, it’s the full-sized design that’s been delayed – not the window itself (we haven’t started making it yet).
Be as imaginative and creative as you wish.
It’s not that we want to encourage dishonesty, but you can certainly be a winner without hitting the Truth!
All we ask is that you make some connection with stained glass design, painting or making.
Obey the Rules, use up to 100 of your own words, and YOU can win one of three amazing prizes …
First prize: a round-headed badger, and a Hake, and 3 tracing brushes (these being a lark, a crow and a small duck)
Second prize: a Hake and 3 tracing brushes
Third prize: 3 tracing brushes
20 leaded light designs from the 17th century – a Free download for every entrant
In the event of a tie-break, we will award copies of The Glass Painter’s Daughter by Rachel Hore who kindly acknowledges Williams & Byrne in her introduction to this, her latest novel.
But let’s go further than that.
We’ve got a fabulous collection of stained glass designs which date from the 17th century – clearly not our own!
In August, we’ll publish a download with our favourite 20.
These truly are some of the most gorgeous geometric designs that you will ever see.
And everyone who enters in accordance with the rules will win a free copy of this amazing top-20 download.
The top-20 stained glass designs from 1615 – sent to you by e-mail for you to enlarge and develop however you wish.
Competition Rules:
- Your answer must contain up to 100 of your own words.
- Your answer must make some connection with stained glass design, painting, making or fitting.
- Prizes will not necessarily be awarded for accuracy. Other qualities – such as general interest, humourousness or oddness or imagination – are equally important.
- No flattery.
- No rudeness.
- You agree that Williams & Byrne – in order to avoid legal prosecution – may be unable to reveal the Truth. (Trust us: this is a clue.)
- You have the right to ask us for more information, but we have the right to remain silent without incriminating ourselves.
- You can post as many answers as they wish. (Indeed, you might want to return and see what other people have suggested.) But only your latest answer will be adjudicated by the judges.
- The closing date is Midsummer’s Day, 21st June 2009.
- The winners will be announced on 6th July 2009.
- The regular judges are David Williams and Stephen Byrne of Williams & Byrne.
- We are excited to announce that the Visiting Judge will be the master craftsman and sculptor, Mark Richards FRBS, who has recently completed a twin-sculpture of HRM Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, the Duke of Edinburgh. This latest work will be unveiled by the Her Majesty the Queen at this year’s Royal Ascot. We are therefore extremely grateful that Mark has agreed to join the regular panel for this opening competition.
- The judges’ decision is final.
So, what external factor(s) delayed us from completing the full-sized water-colour design?
Let your imagination run wild, but please be plausible, strange, funny and/or interesting.
And please do make your answer connect in some way with stained glass.
All was well until the major snowfall that brought the whole of England to a standstill. Returning to the studio, anxious to resume work on the window design – !!SHOCK!! – you discovered that the OWL had vanished from the work of art! This could very well be the last of Williams & Byrne’s reputation and pride … Many months passed. You came in, and there by some miracle he was, the OWL, sitting in the design where he had always been.
Joanne
Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada
P.S. I had fun writing this.
The snowy owl was missing his mate. In an effort to entice his love out into the open, in typical courtship behaviour (which typically starts in March) he flew in an undulating, moth-like flight pattern near the last place she had been seen ~ a crematorium. His fancy flight pattern did nothing to evoke the presence of his long lost love. It did however make him very dizzy. So, in a last ditch effort, he went right up to her and in doing so shattered her heart and the window she had been keeping company with.
Being the masterful craftsmen you are, sometimes minor mitigating circumstances arise that trip you up. Being so taken with the work at hand, analyzing what needed to be done, and how to achieve the end result, someone forgot to record the contact information of the client who requested the piece. Ergo, you had to wait until the client re-contacted you, inquiring after the progress of the piece ordered.
David and Stephen met the customer for a site visit. The Chaplain came in and the discussion turned to spiritual matters so they decided to take their conversation to the local inn. Before the next meeting it transpired each thought the other had left with the paperwork. In desperation, they telephoned the crematorium’s Caretaker who said “any abandoned paperwork would probably have been incinerated”. Had the designs gone up in smoke? How could they tell the customer? Then the customer rang to confirm their meeting and said his wife loved the designs he had taken home to show her!
Why did it take so long to complete this commission? Ha! I know why … it’s because you, Stephen, tried to avoid David’s hair-raising
driving and decided to cook the glass in the crematorium. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it. ;-D
The commissioned piece was installed in building by an American that happened to be in England at the time. He installed it with the universal American craftmanship and it took months to figure out that he had used four different types of material to secure the piece into position. You had to send to America to get the four different removal tools to remove the framing but found out one of the businesses went out of business and had to find the tool on ebay.
And, yes, not only avoiding David’s driving, but ruining All That Wildly EXPENsive silver stain in the crematorium … feeling glum about it … then hanging out in some flashy Night Club to drum up a quickie commission to recover the costs of All That Wildly EXPENsive silver stain … getting drunk from the exposure to the clientele in the Night Clubs, who recognized your Wildly Expressive and Brooding Artistic Nature, who wished to celebrate such in your honor … and so on. Oh well, glad it’s done now! ;-D
Jealousy reared its hoary head.
“They can’t do THAT!” screamed the man-who-must-not-be-named.
The window, a design meant to inspire had done just that – it had generated a strong desire to curtail its creation.
One night, the man-who-must-not-be-named broke into the studio and copied the fledgling design as his own. “Success is mine!” he cackled triumphantly.
Finished with their master drawing, the artists met with the client. And woeful were they upon seeing their design next to – egads! – their original design!
Solicitors were needed to sort the ensuing finger-pointing.
In the end, good triumphed over green-eyed monsters.
The architect and the city inspector glared at one another.
“Can’t build that, I tell ya, the roof’s too high” said the inspector.
“But the plan is FINISHED!’ cried the architect: “It’s PERFECT!”
“Not my problem. Make it lower.”
“The PROPORTIONS!” wailed the architect. “I can’t lower the roof, it would ruin the proportions! I’d have to change all these lovely windows. The roof NEEDS to be high!”
“Low!”
“High!”
“Low!”
“High! HIGH!”
“LOW! Lowlowlow!”
The inspector won, of course. They always do.
The architect sighed heavily, and went back to the drawing board to start again.
Finally R.C. had chosen his favorite design!
We were all ready to get started when there was a knock at the door … it was the public officials. They had gotten wind of our plans to design the first ever Crematorium stained glass window to lift its patron’s spirits as well as make it a “happy” and “light” place. But they wanted to make sure that all work would be done in the safest possible manner. Being unfamiliar with the process of making stained glass, they had many questions. We suspected this could take some time to explain in detail.
We were right!
You vaguely wondered about the dark, smudgy mustache your partner had been growing but were too wrapped up in working on the water-color to tell him how silly it looked. You thought, “His personal grooming is really none of my affair,” until you caught him in the back room snorting lines of Best Tracing Black. The subsequent intervention and rehab put the whole team behind schedule, but who can blame you for relegating the water-color to a dusty corner while you helped your friend in his battle against a crippling Reusche addiction.
Well, after the wild drive back to the studio, with much gesticulating and unsafe driving, one settled down to complete the task of sending out the stained glass window sketches for approval. But, after some heavy tippling at the party, one’s misty brain seems to have sent the crematorium proofs to the night club and the night club’s to the crematorium …
Imagine the puzzled looks on the crematorium investors faces as they viewed raucious half-dressed heathens enjoying libations and other fratinizations.
It would be a sobering enough reason to swear off public appearances ever again.
As Stephen walks before their latest installation, the afternoon sun bathes him in blues and greens. He begins to get lost amid the colors dancing across the walls at the unveiling of the windows at the crematorium, but the silence is shattered by the bang of a gavel. Stephen abruptly comes to just in time to hear the judge declare even with generous contributors, the public will choose who designs the windows and the content that goes in the design. David glares at their competitor, Johan Glasenstriker, who smirks at them as he leaves. After a leisurely white-knuckle ride back to the studio, David throws the car into park, and continues to curse Johan’s name. Stephen calmly turns to him and says, “How would calcium carbonate effect the stain glass paint ..?”
YEAR 3047: Here we are touring the most haunted places of England. It is not the Crematorium that holds the no. 1 title – it’s the window …
“That window’s not straight! Tush and piff!”
Said the verger, “We don’t want a tiff,
But we thought you’d have learned,
There at Williams & Byrne,
The windows don’t look good skew-whiff.”
Said our boys to the verger: “You monkey …
It isn’t our fault it looks clunky –
That XXL grave
Just twelve feet from the nave
Caused a landslip, and that’s why it’s wonky!”
(Poetic licence claimed for the fact that it’s a crematorium not a cemetery.)
I could be out to lunch, or maybe I’m wearing the wrong glasses, but it does appear to me that the architect has changed the design plans of the window. So, until you were given the dimensions and the template for the window, you could not possibly submit or produce a full-sized cartoon.
The oven (firing) factory was the hold-up.
It took the “experts” forever (and a day) to work out a firing programme to make sure that:
A. The annealing cycle was correct
B. The up-cycle would not induce devitrification
C. The C.O.Expansion would be suitable
But the biggest problem was finding the correct formula for the kiln wash!
Being just on the cutting edge of transparent window design, it is opaquely evident that, even though you had a burning desire to cement the design quickly, the lack of a pastel owl to hide in the design kept you stumped.
Painting a gloomy constraint on your progress, arriving at this joint in the road was a blockade for creativity.
It wasn’t until you remembered the snow owl that fitted so well with your intent.
Art shall prevail if you do not let the lead shackles keep you from soldering home the design!
(Sorry, I couldn’t resist the “burning” part.)
Williams & Byrne in Wonderland
‘Twas Brillig, yet the slithy toves did mire and dungle in the wabe …
The men did lark and tandle with the light,
Dust and sand fused in Fire mingled and danced …
Lifting, calming, smiling, tearful … indeed ’twas brillig!
Yet the dusts, those slithy toves did mire and dungle in the wabe …
Cadmium, Lead and Zinc did foul the dalet and draw malnot from the Bobbies.
NO MORE – said they – shall the dust and sand dance as the mire and the dingle hath spoiled the borogroves!
No more did the men lark and tandle with the light, tearful and trying were the days.
Thou shalt Clean the borogroves and cease to mire the wabe, lest the Jabberwock come …
Then in uffish thought they stood, muddle and mingle their hair stood still.
Shall we then slay the Jabberwock … yes off with its head!
Yet they wished to again lark and tandle with the light, so clean the mire and dingle they did.
Now the dust does rest safe from the Tumtum tree,
And the slithy toves no more mire and dungle in the wabe.
The men again fuse and fire and lark and tandle that the calm, the cry, and the smile might gyre and gimble in the wabe.
And the Light … ah ’twill be brillig indeed!
All shapes and sizes were calculated, R.C.’s mysterious owl was hidden, and the design had finally been reproduced in watercolor.
All that was left was for R.C.’s final approval.
While Patrick Reyntiens was admiring the beautiful design on a visit to the studio, he asked, “Can you use that hidden owl? Isn’t that a copyright infringement? I’m sure I’ve seen it somewhere before …”
Was it true?
Could it be?
R.C. had provided the owl himself.
And no one had thought to ask him where it came from.
So was it his original design or a copy?
Now we must determine its origin …
While speaking with R.C., about which design conveyed the right impression, it became clear he didn’t want anyone to know who actually made the stained glass window.
He wanted no signatures or markings that would identify Williams & Byrne as the artists.
He said, “All work must be done after dark in complete secrecy. Once completed, the original designs must be destroyed, and you must promise NEVER to tell anyone”.
He wanted the piece to only be known as a masterpiece in memory of his friend.
The design took so long because, when the air-conditioning went bad, the windows had to be opened … which simultaneously made the pattern paper swell beyond its tight dimension due to the high humidity … and also provided a devastating breeze that knocked over the vase, flowers, water (and all) right onto the keyboard, thus frying the computer and thereby dissallowing any chance of pulling up the PDF file and starting afresh, but, to access the positive, because of the humidity, the markers all worked like they were brand new.
PHEW!
David Kittrell
Dallas
Texas
The designs were completed and lying in the moonlit studio. A moth flapped gently against the window and the cats stared for mice in the rustling grass outside.
Williams & Byrne had retired to a local hostelry to celebrate their achievement, pleased with the way the designs had turned out.
Unfortunately, they had forgotten their nemesis, the paper-eating snails, who, even as the second pint was poured, were sliding their way into the studio, up the benches and onto the carefully painted blue and yellow designs.
While all loyalties were indeed to the client, R.C., it was the officials of the crematorium had the final say on the design.
The architect disclosed the size of each individual section of the window you were to design.
The benefactor was willing to pay for one window, but those four sections were part of 18 sections of the gable end of the crematorium.
To create continuity, you had to get approval for not only your design for the donated window from R.C., but you also had to design the other four windows and thus win the entire contract.
Illness is a funny thing – especially that bunged-up feeling in the head, when speech sounds bubbly and distant, and when lashings of sympathy and good Irish whiskey are a prerequesite to health, but slowly.
That’s if you can get them, with a partner, anxious, unsympathetic, eager to proceed.
“Pass me a badger!”
“Sorry? ‘Madge who‘?”
“A lark!”
“Well, just turn the light on!”
“A duck!”
“There’s no need for that!”
“Time for a rest.”
“I think that’s best – how’s about another whiskey?”
I think you ran out of large paper for the full-sized design and so had been furiously pasting together A5 pieces in order to get the right size.
And then, after hurting your painting hand with misuse of the oyster knife to try to get into your water-colour box to paint the design after you had lost the key in the car due to some dodgy driving …
That is the only catastrophe I can think of which would prevent the design from being completed … Hmmmm I must keep that idea in mind for future reference!
Well, perhaps the owl, being a well cared for bird, needed its own owl house.
This was claimed for in expenses and exposed by the Daily Telegraph.
The project came to a halt when finances were frozen.
The people of Hereford were in uproar and consulted the world’s largest chained library, held within the cathedral.
Secretly hidden within an ancient tome was the answer to all the modern stresses of life: beautiful stained glass windows influence us all, lowering blood pressure and returning smiles to our faces.
So, for the sake of public health and well-being, the project must now be completed!
Owls, being of a mysterious nature (and often appearing to know more than they should) set the tone of the work.
Rumors abounded that the said owl’s appearance would result in impending disaster (whilst others said he would bring good fortune).
Being a sensitive soul and not particularly smart, he hid (so as not to cause an upset) somewhat too well within the flow of paint and lead lines … blissfully unaware of the frustration and quiet irritation he was causing.
Hence the delay.
Then again … maybe you just spilt your coffee on your work!
Williams the Pooh and his little friend Byrnlet went to visit their good friend Owl who lived in the middle of the Stanton Lacy Wood.
The wood was dark and Owl’s house was empty.
“He’s not at home,” mused Williams the Pooh.
“Squeak!” squeaked Byrnlet, gripping Pooh’s paw tightly.
“Perhaps our good friend Badger Brush knows where he is,” pondered Pooh.
“Wossat?” snuffled Badger Brush, peeping out from behind an oak tree.
“Owl?” he said. “He’s in hiding,” he said. “Some artist fellows wanted to put him under glass and set fire to him. Sort of artistic experiment.”
“Lordy!” gasped Williams the Pooh.
“Squeak!” squeaked Byrnlet.
Although most wise, your owl had obviously slipped off to Greece to consult “The Owls of Athens” regarding any potential conflict of morals issues.
The owls assured him that there has been a tradition of cremation in Greece since 1000 B.C. and that he could appear in your design with impunity, thus prompting his return.
As owls the world over have (in latter years) become trusted upon to provide a postal service for the magical community, he will be on constant standby and can be reasonably expected to go missing again from time to time – should an urgent mission arise.
“Whoooo?” asked the great horned owl?
“You!” said Stephen. “You must hide. With David’s crazy driving, you could end up as a hood ornament rather than eternally immortalized in this magnificent window.”
“Perhaps I should startle him,” thought the owl.
So flying ‘out of nowhere’ (as David later put it when describing the accident), the owl swooshed down in front of the car which caused David to swerve and loose control.
Thankfully he only broke his arm in the ensuing accident.
But it was his drawing arm.
Drat!
The Top Ten Reasons it took so long to make stained glass for a Crematorium:
10. Never tell the client you were considering using the ashes as a medium substitute for silver stain.
9. Glass loves heat, but not to the n-th degree.
8. Flesh + Flames = Creative Frustration
7. “WOW! They have a really large kiln here!”
6. Your visitors don’t have to worry about lead poisoning.
5. Sketching in a confined space can be hazardous …
4. Fibonacci! What did he call me?
3. Formaldehyde was never intended for use as a painting medium.
2. After this job, you will have all the gothic night clubs calling you up.
1. Bragging rights.
Stephen hits the flood on his way home, on his bicycle.
Oh dear, the design he had been trusted with is floating in the dark water. This abstract Monet-style design doesn’t look very calming or uplifting. R.C. and the public officials will not be pleased. Is this The 9th Circle of Hell?
Where is Owl?
He’s flown from the design – not wanting to get wet, he went looking for supper. (Stephen’s food is very good, but doesn’t compare to a fat juicy mouse!)
David and Stephen can again be trusted, albeit late, to their colourful design, and R.C. can relax.
Here’s a possible solution, following the Sherlockian logic that, “when you have eliminated the impossible, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth”.
Why was the work stopped? – Design and cost?
No – the client was perfectly satisfied, and planning permission had been granted.
Shortage of materials?
Unlikely.
So what terrified the PR Executives?
Was it because the window was in a crematorium?
And why was the Architects drawing crumpled?
Perhaps this was a result of a major building calamity.
Research established that this was indeed the case; the window aperture was out of alignment.
What was the cause? Was the Crematorium descending into the depths of Hades?
Conclusion: Poor construction, confusion over dimensions, or a more fanciful possibility in that the building was sited over an old mine shaft.
Foundations have now been strengthened and work has resumed.
You arranged a meeting with the owners of the crematorium, who said they felt that the original design did not accord with the spirit of the building.
Therefore you returned to the studio and re-drafted your design, thus causing a slight delay in the project itself.
Later, when you convened a second meeting at the crematorium, the owners were delighted.
At the top of the design, they noted the abstract figure of a little girl which you had added – the figure of an angel, flying into the sky, and giving peace to the departed.
What happened? Why couldn’t we work on this window. Why now? The block had been growing and it finally manifested. We worried we wouldn’t be perfect.
Looking at past projects we always saw something that could have been better. Something we would change if we did it again. Noticable? Only to us. But those feelings were stopping us.
We needed to accept we did the best we could with our skills. We had to progress through time and tasks in order to evolve into the masters we were becoming.
Working builds skills. Doubt doesn’t. One foot in front of the other!
A letter dropped upon their mat, H.R.H it said,
The queen had tripped over her dogs whilst getting out of bed!
Her crown it flew right off her head
And crash the window broke,
Painted glass in bits and bobs.
She shrieked “Summon those blokes”,
The call was made, the footman told, “You know we’re awfully busy,”
But thinking twice they knew they should, and not to mess with Lizzy.
Though Dave and Steve were ill at ease,
The palace was attended.
On inspecting bits of painted glass,
They said it could be mended.
Hereford City funding committee
Was charged with an onerous task.
They had in mind a design they should find
But didn’t know who they should ask.
The new crematorium, a state-sponsored pile,
Has a chimney and glazing aplenty.
RC cried “Gosh, I’ll put up some dosh.
Couldn’t everyone else throw in twenty?”
That glass from RC, remembering his friend
( who, sadly, died down in Devon)
Means that one coloured pane with the others left plain
Won’t usher all souls up to Heaven.
File an injunction! Hold a fund-raising function!
Find a design that will please one and all!
It’s all very well when rumours abound, when messrs W & B, were no where to be found.
“There’s work to be done,” cried the powers that be,
“They need a good send off: can’t you see?”
Well after all that, the glass artists appeared,
And it was discovered that … just like me
They’d completely forgotten the time
And got utterly caught up elsewhere.
Well it’s easily done, don’t you know?
What’s a temporary delay between friends anyway? Hey ho, better late than never. And creative inspiration can’t be conjured up just like that: it takes time and needs to incubate.
It’s midsummers day! I’m a bit sad, as I’ve really enjoyed seeing all the funny ha-ha and funny peculiar entries popping up on here.
Just reread my humble effort and realised there’s a tiny typo in there, so here’s my final entry:
“That window’s not straight! Tush and piff!”
Said the verger, “We don’t want a tiff,
But we thought you’d have learned
There at Williams & Byrne
That windows don’t look good skew-whiff.”
Said our boys to the verger: “You monkey …
It isn’t our fault it looks clunky –
That XXL grave
Just twelve feet from the nave
Caused a landslip, and that’s why it’s wonky!”
(Poetic licence claimed for the fact that it’s a crematorium not a cemetery.)
Designs in mind & create
Works of glass, artists must make.
Off they go, studio bound,
Upon arrival no brushes be found.
The brushless pair cry, “What a fright!!”
“Without badger we can’t paint with light”.
Quest to use what instead –
Stephen spies David’s head.
But badger’s fine, a brush to desire,
David’s hair, more like wire.
Thus, good reader, take not fright,
If noises be heard in the dead of night.
Sounds that make one’s pace go fast,
Not the ghosts of souls long past.
But David & Stephen in the dark,
Calling for duck, crow, badger & lark.
When the donor (R.C.) called you, little did he know that you’d been in the middle of a creativity crisis for several months …
However, he had seen some of your works, and he wanted the window to transmit the idea of movement and energy, an image of confidence in the future.
It took you months to break the vacuum, and, after various attempts, a fleeting image – spots of illuminated colour – was the eventual begining. And only gradually did the full design emerge.
What a disaster: the black & white drawing was ready, but the colouring pencils had disappeared!
Who had taken them?
The kids? No, they say!
The kids next door? Also a NO!
Other children in the neighbourhood? No, no, NO
Seeking for clues … Hey, a pencil in the garden … and another … and one more … Where do they lead us?
To the trees! The squirrels had taken them. But why? The window may become nicer than them!
The dominant form is very close to the form of an egg.
For this purpose, time and heat are necessary, so that, from an egg a fine bird (or a crocodile :)) will emerge …
Some time is required for maturing of this form.
Now time has passed and the warmth has arrived.
And the project is finally ready for continuation.
It’s so exciting!
I just can’t wait …
So tell us: what really caused the delay?
Our thanks to all of your for all your fine entries.
It’s been a pleasure to read every single one of them, and a difficult task to pick just three winners …
A number of you – Enrique, Debs and Hugh – draw attention to the fact that a good design requires creativity and focus.
Exactly so: how could things be otherwise?
The stained glass window will exist for decades to come.
It will be seen by all manner of different people.
It must make the client happy.
And it must also be appropriate to the building and its wider setting (as Ruben surmises when he points to the shape of an abstract angel within the final version of the design – missing, however, from the earlier version).
We certainly believe that an architectural stained glass design cannot be rushed – that it must be allowed to take whatever time it needs.
And we sometimes find ourselves in a position where we need gently to revise our clients’ expectations.
So here’s where we will gently say that, No, we don’t have a catalogue of stock designs, and No, we don’t have a fixed repertoire of glass painting techniques, and Yes, we will design and make something that we haven’t attempted before.
Therefore, Yes, it’s certain that these new ideas will take time to emerge.
There’s therefore a whole process of discussion, reflection and observation that must occur before we can prepare the design. (This was also Svetlana’s thought when she discerned, within the design, an egg-like shape that required time to incubate.)
The point is that a good design is a vital pre-condition for the success of any stained glass window, in much the same way that well-prepared glass paint is a pre-condition for painting well on glass.
So it is certainly possible that someone can be too distracted or too tired to do their best.
In which case, the best thing to do is usually to rest and negotiate a breathing space.
But that’s not what happened here …
Several of you believed yourselves to sniff the intoxicating fumes of alcoholic vapour.
Now we don’t mind this suggestion from people like Theresa, William, Angela, Dallas and William – none of whom we’ve yet had the good fortune to meet.
But when it comes to Caroline, who’s actually spent time with us in the studio … well, we now realize that the studio’s wine vault is clearly not as hidden as we had naively thought.
Theresa developed the entertaining idea that we’d sent our crematorium design to the night-club owning client, whereas the crematorium in fact received our proposal for the night club … Ouch!
And Angela it was who whipped up further tension by introducing an army of paper-eating snails.
Don’t scoff at this idea but listen to this cautionary tale which follows: and remember, it is all true!
So Angela’s suggestion of paper-eating snails brought back a painful – but we hope instructive – memory!
And, on that basis, there is nothing untoward with Ronald’s fine invention of pencil-eating squirrels.
Anyway, moving on from inebriation to full-scale addiction, Linda speculated about the real origin of David’s new moustache: she insists that closer inspection will reveal that David has in fact been snorting Reusche’s tracing black.
And Jeanne reckons the delay was caused by our using embalmers’ Formaldehyde as a painting medium – a nice touch of the sorely missed “B”-movie, that. Kelly (no doubt recognizing a distant physical resemblance between David and Vincent Price) goes one step further, and takes us down the path to murder and ghostly infestation.
Julia Williamson correctly foresaw a problem that indeed we had to overcome: R.C. has provided funds for the central window, but there are four others.
So the owners of the crematorium indeed asked us for a proposal for the whole façade, because they did not want to run the risk of piecemeal and haphazard design involving other stained glass studios.
Therefore we prepared a black-and-white sketch which depicted the whole of the gable end.
But it wasn’t this which caused the delay.
Nor was it missing tools (Dennis), nor plagiarism (either of us, as Roxane suggested, or by us, as Cindy wondered), nor building regulations (Jackie G.), nor problems with the kiln (Ian), nor an expenses scandal as Min suggested (we, unlike our MPs, employ some very fine accountants, and pay for them ourselves), nor injury to our painting hand (Pat), nor a change in specification from the architect (Ivan), nor the expanding design that David Kittrell proposed. (Beware, however, that this is indeed a very real threat if you neglect to dry the glass that you’ve just grozed on the grinder: the water will indeed cause the tracing paper to crinkle and expand, with potentially disastrous consequences when it comes to fitting, since the sizes are now all wrong.)
The owl attracted the most attention from you all, including Joanne, Francesca, Bill Wrobel, Marian, Julia, Pip, Kerry, Alyson (with a fine homage to A. A. Milne featuring Williams the Pooh and his dear friend little Byrnelet).
And nearly as many proved to us that you could also make your living as wandering poets: Dr Sweet, Jackie C., Jenny, Steven, and Graeme – these fine offerings range from the suggestion that we were delayed by order of Her Majesty the Queen to the exquisitely impenetrable notion that we’ve been larking and tandling with the light.
(If so, let’s hope ‘twill be brillig indeed.)
Jackie C. also introduced a darker note of sombre realism when she wondered about a landslide, and Michael ventured that the apertures were out of alignment.
We think that’s everyone, and our apologies for any unintended omissions, so there are now two big questions.
What really happened?
And who are the three winners?
Now we are sorry that we can’t send brushes to everyone, so we hope that everyone will be enthralled by the fine examples of 17th century leaded lights that we will e-mail to you all in due course.
As for what really happened, we won’t embellish this story in any way, because it is all too awful if you just imagine for a moment how it must have felt.
Although we said that accuracy would not necessarily be rewarded, Michael Zappert will receive two fine English tracing brushes on account of his amazing chain of reasoning.
Jackie Carey wins the second prize for combining insight with poetry.
And Dr. Sweet wins the first prize for sheer madness (his answer, not him).
Thank you all so much for every one of your entries.
Thanks for letting us in on the real reason for the delay and Congratulations to Michael Zappert, Jackie Carey and Dr. Sweet!
Stephen,
Great contest! It was great fun seeing everyone’s responses and reading your synopsis. The patterns will be really cool, what a bonus! I really think Dr. Sweet should get two sets of brushes having an answer twice as long as required. 😉 Keep up the great work!!
Bill
Congratulations to all winners & thank you for Stephen & David for the coming 17th century leaded lights that I am sure will be a great addition to my collection.
Could I ask you to give me a resumé of the winning entrie from
Dr. Sweet, for the vocabulary is a bit over my understanding.
Hope to read you soon
Have a great summer
Joanne L.
Winnipeg, Mb Canada
That was great fun, amazed that you had a real snail issue … Thanks for taking time out for such a detailed review of our responses.
Congratulations to the winners! Thanks to Stephen and David for a fun contest!
Joanne, Dr. Sweet’s entry is a tip of the hat to Lewis Carroll’s nonsense poem “Jabberwocky”:
Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.
“Beware the Jabberwock, my son!
The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!
Beware the Jubjub bird, and shun
The frumious Bandersnatch!”
He took his vorpal sword in hand:
Long time the manxome foe he sought—
So rested he by the Tumtum tree,
And stood awhile in thought.
And as in uffish thought he stood,
The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,
Came whiffling through the tulgey wood,
And burbled as it came!
One, two! One, two! and through and through
The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!
He left it dead, and with its head
He went galumphing back.
“And hast thou slain the Jabberwock?
Come to my arms, my beamish boy!
O frabjous day! Callooh! Callay!”
He chortled in his joy.
‘Twas brillig, and the slithy toves
Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;
All mimsy were the borogoves,
And the mome raths outgrabe.